artic seals

In�the death of jayson porter, 16 year old jayson tried to commit suicide by jumping from the 7th floor of a bldg.� instead, he ended up c5-c6, partially paralyzed.� however, he still managed to jump a second time as well.� it worked.

i found the novel both realistic and captivating.� it concerned a topic that i have considered on an almost daily basis since puberty:� suicide.� in my pathetic lil 25 yr old existence, very rarely has anyone come close to allowing me to feel understood, justified, accepted, or recognized.� almost constantly, i wonder why i ought to continue living (or, for that matter, whether i ought to continue living).� i have taken psychotropic medication, gone to weekly support groups for more than one year, scoured numerous psych and self help books, gone to many mental health professionals.� sure, it was better than doing nothing, but sooner or later, i returned to the same emotional point.

shit.

i wasnapos;t smart enough for what i tried to major in.� i wasnapos;t cool enough for friends.� i wasnapos;t normal enough to work.� i wasnapos;t strong, fast, or bold enough to physically fight.� i feel like iapos;m just not good enough.� huh.� just destiny.� emotional turmoil after emotional turmoil.� i wish that i could fuckinapos; drop dead tomorrow.� noone cares.� no friends.� no family.� i feel so left out, so hopeless.� i fear that iapos;m just gonna end up physically disabled, not just mentally emotionally disabled.� i wanna fuckinapos; shoot myself.


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